I love Amsterdam-3

7. There are lots of Muslims in Amsterdam. As the first result for me, it was easier for me to have hijab. One of my friends went to Switzerland for 6 months of research a few weeks before my travel to Amsterdam. She had kind of shock. She was under pressure because of her Hijab, and her belief to God. She said that there are lots of people even in the university who do not believe God. Even her supervisor asked her “Why do you have hijab?” Fortunately I didn’t encounter such problems. Well, it was not that much easy for me to stay on my beliefs. It was too hard the first time I decided not to shake hands with men. I know that my other friends (with hijab) do that and many of them are not happy with that. But they wanted to reduce the differences. I’m not in a place to judge who did the true work. Each person has his/her own life and I should decide for myself. I had some bounds for myself, and I know that if I pass one of them today, I would pass the others later and nothing would be remained. These bounds may be different for other persons. They even may change for me in the future, but now at this moment I should act based on my current thoughts and believes. Anyway, it was too hard for me not to shake hands with my supervisor in my first appointment. I became so sad. I even couldn’t explain about that. I didn’t want to be impolite. Here, in university of Amsterdam, they easily accepted me with my differences. I know that part of this is because of dealing with people from all over the world, but maybe this is not the only reason.

One of the other important results of the large population of Muslims in Amsterdam is that you can easily find halal meat. I know that Quran has just prevented from eating pork, blood, and meat of dead animals (not be hunted or killed). Quran even has insisted on that all other things are allowed to be eaten. But I eat Halal meat because of caution. It would be a detailed discussion. Anyway, easily finding halal meat makes the life easy.

8. I was talking about my colleges in University of Amsterdam. They were from different countries. Although I was less open-minded than them, they were patient against me. Or at least, they didn’t argue with me. They accepted me in the group so I didn’t feel alone. I appreciate them.

9. There are lots of Iranian people in Amsterdam and especially in the University. At first, this is the sign of the bad situation of my country. Ignoring that, this was like a treasure for me. Sometimes you need someone to talk by your mother tongue. They accepted me as their friend and I didn’t miss my country.

10. Amsterdam is not crowded, you can go to work, to your friend’s house, go shopping, etc by your bike. The shops are on my way from home to university; it’s just about 25 minutes by bike from my home to the university or to my friends’ houses. It’s also just 5 minutes biking from university to the very beautiful place my friend and I go jogging every two days. In Tehran, you can not visit your friends easily. The city is crowded, houses and work places are far from each other, and people are busy and tired. Here, in Amsterdam you can save the time.

 

Many of people here asked me if I had a cultural shock. To be honest, I should say no. Although there were too many new things I encountered, what happened in Middle East was the real thing that my brain and heart was involved in. Those happenings along with some new thoughts caused one of my revolutions after 6 months. I had the experience of thought revolution in Iran. Some of them were much more important than this one. Absolutely, living in a city with more freedom and more time for thinking, and having access to different resources made this revolution possible. Thanks to Amsterdam for providing the necessary conditions for my evolution.

I love Amsterdam-2

4. Here in Amsterdam, the speed of internet is high and you can access to different websites without any extra effort. I know that this is the fact in many countries, but I’m talking about Amsterdam and what makes me happy here. In Iran, the speed of internet in homes is so slow. You should wait a lot to check your email (The situation is not too bad in universities or work places). With that speed, you can not use Google map (Although, the maps of the roads in Iran are not that much clear, and even with high-speed internet you can not use it like here in Amsterdam). In addition to the speed of the internet, which is part of government policy against freedom, most of the websites are filtered and it’s going to be worse and worse. Youtube, facebook, twitter, etc. I remember that I searched an expression containing the word “women” for my master thesis in university and it was filtered. You should waste lots of time to find an anti-filter and accept even slower speed with that. Most people can’t undertake these efforts and ignore checking the website they wanted to check.

5. Dutch people are much happier and also kinder than Iranian people. These days, there are lots of pressures on Iranian families. In big cities, you even do not have clean air to breath. The waters are becoming worse and worse. The nature is ruined because of their false plans and they do not let any one to protest. The noises they send against satellites, is at least some kind of pressure on your thought. There are lots of young people without any job, so they do not have money to get married. Thanks God, I have home, I have food, I can study, my husband has job and I can be sure that at least I can have a job in the university of my hometown. Our house is located in a nice area of Tehran; the weather is better than the other parts, it’s less crowded, the streets are wide, there are much more parks and green areas compared to other parts. But still, there is too much pressure on me. It’s about 1:30 hours to the university. I should change taxis and buses one by one, lose my value as a human being in the crowded buses, see poor people on my way, see people who I can not understand how they continue living, see children on traffic lights selling flowers, and in the university they tell you as a phd student, you should wash your dishes in the toilet. Then again, in the afternoon, I should come back to home with a bad memory of that day. How can I smile to other people? Everyone is anxious and depressed and they can not treat each other in a true way. This is like “if and only if” , when one side of that becomes worse, this happens for the other side and this circle continues.

6.  Here in Amsterdam, you can experience a much more moral life. In your workplace because of the organization and the rules, you can be moral. On the streets, on the buses, you can be moral. This is too hard in Iran. Gradually you become like other parts of system. You try not to act the rules. If you try to be moral in your work place, you would bear lots of pressure and even you may loose your job. I have thought a lot about the reason. Why our official systems have this much problem? I believe that both government and people should alter themselves. For people, there should be some cultural work. But, I think the first step should be traversed by the government. In Iran, if you care about being moral, this is an extra pressure on you. Every night, at home, I had to think about my false behaviors during the day. Most of the time I was sad because of this. Why did I talk on behalf of that person? Why didn’t I treat properly with that student who wanted help? Why didn’t I smile to people in my way to the university? Why did my husband pass the red light? Why didn’t I help that poor man? Why didn’t I let other people to sit on the seat because of my poor reason of being tired? Why did I complain my mother about the bad treatment in minister of science? Why did I transfer my problems to the other?

Here, in Amsterdam at least in your daily life, you can be moral without any pressure.

I love Amsterdam-1

It’s about six months that I’m living in Amsterdam. Maybe it’s too soon to judge about the city and the people, but I love this city. Some aspects of the city are really attractive for me.

1. You live in the capital of the country and it’s not populated. Dividing the facilities all around the country could be one reason. So, you have the facilities without missing the nature. In Iran, you can not have both of these together. You have to choose between progress in work and nature.

2. This culture of using bicycles instead of cars, is something which I haven’t seen in Iran else than a small town “Bonab”. I know that one of the reasons that they were successful is the special nature of the country. It’s completely flat and there are no mountains. The temperature also is moderate. The maximum degree is around 25 degree of centigrade and the minimum is -1, or -2. Although it’s about two years that Dutch people experienced very cold days like -7 which because of the wind, felt like -12, but it’s quite rare. We may not be able to imitate this culture of biking in a city like Tehran; because it’s too crowded and in some parts the streets are too steep. We also may not be able to imitate it in southern part of Iran in some spring and summer when you encounter high temperatures like 50 or even more. But it’s completely possible to use bicycles for transportation in many small towns and cities like Semnan.

One of the reasons that prevents from this idea is the problem of riding bicycles for women. There is some non-written rule which doesn’t allow women to ride bicycles after teenagery???.  It’s kind of taboo. Although I used to ride bicycle in Tehran, I never would ride bicycle in my hometown Semnan. What people would say on behind of me is not important for me, but my parents live there and for me the bounds have always been stricter in Semnan. This is the property of small cities of Iran that all people know each other and so, if you live there, you should always be careful about your treatment. In Islam, you are not permitted to talk on back of other people; you are not permitted to judge about others. Not considering Islam, I think this is what all of us would know because of the morality. I’m ashamed that we just talk about Islam, about morality, about God, and in practice our souls are like evil.

Let’s come back to the discussion. Although I rode bicycle in Tehran, it was completely unusual. People looked at me. Some of them said some sentences to me. I just put my headphone in my ears not to hear anything and tried to just look at the road and not the people. This is the taboo I’m talking about, the most important obstacle against trying to encourage people to use bicycles.

To break this taboo, we should do some cultural work. It’s not easy. Imagine the condition that you go to a park special for bike riding, you rent a bicycle, and while riding you encounter a big board of a saying from the leader of Iran “It’s haram (not permitted ) for women to ride bicycle in front of men”. Here, you see that they have invented another Islam. They think that they are God and do whatever they like. Some people like many in my hometown, think this is Islam. Te other problem is that they combine the rules with their invented Islam. There is no freedom. These days the condition is becoming even worse. Hijab is not optional, and if they think that your hijab is not complete, even if you are in your car, they will stop you. These days I do not risk to ride my bicycle, the Police is everywhere. I’m not as courage as the time I was single. I’m responsible for the life of my family.

I was going to write about the beauties of Amsterdam and it changed to the problems in Iran. Let’s come back to Amsterdam.

3. Dutch people are open-minded compared to Iranian people. This is the result of    freedom and immigrants from all over the world. Many people in Iran, especially in small towns and cities, just receive the news from the government. It’s obvious that when you have some friend from some other countries in your workplace, or when you see lots of foreign people on the street, you become curious about them, so study and think more about other thoughts, religions, beliefs, ways of lives, wars, policies of different governments, etc.

The new question

I feel that I’m in one of my revolutions. My soul is full of questions and I would not be calm till I receive an answer from God. This answer should be kind of believe, faith; something which surrounds my soul such that I cannot find the question any more.  But I know that this takes some time. Passing this period is not easy. 
I remember the first time I encountered the most important question of my life. My heart was beating all the moments. Even the time I was standing in a very crowded bus, I couldn’t feel anything from around. My brain and maybe my heart were busy by the question. Yes, it was the most difficult problem, not comparable with mathematical problems or problems usually occur in the life. After those days, when some daily problem occurs for me, I know that I should not take it serious.

Those days, I didn’t believe God. I didn’t pray. And I felt that the life doesn’t worth to live. I tried a lot. I asked my question from professors of the department. None of them could help me. I asked it from the morality teacher. He couldn’t help me. I tried to find the answer in books. I didn’t succeed. None of them convinced me. One of my friends told me that try to continue your life till you find the answer; otherwise you reach to the point that you even do not have any reason to stand. She introduced me a professor in Physics department. She said that she knows that this person has experienced the same situation.

He  was the only one who helped me. He described that he had experienced this doubt when he was studying phd in another country and he had a family. He described that he had left his family for few days but finally had found that this is not the way to solve the question. He wanted me to be patient. He wanted me to stop reading books and trying to find the answer inside them. He said that each person should write his/her own book. I was impatient and was worried not to find the answer. He just promised me that I would find the answer in a few months.

Yes, he was the only one who understood me and gave me enough energy to be patient against that hard situation.

During these eight years, I encountered some other questions. But they were not as important as the first one; and the solutions were not as strong as that first one. That one is kind of faith, a special present God gave to me. Few months after receiving that answer, I experienced a completely different life. The world was like the heaven for me. I loved all humans. I enjoyed from being alive moment by moment. I felt God everywhere, with my breaths coming out and going inside. I felt God with the trees, with the wind, with the sun, with the birds, with the humans. Sometimes I felt that my heart can not stand in my body anymore. I was thinking that what is the heaven? Is there any life better than this?

Unfortunately, those feelings were not permanent. For a long time, I was asking and complaining God for regaining that. I traveled a lot, I went to nature, mountain, desert; I participated in the activities of different groups. I went to war lands, the place of death of some martyrs. I even went to Mecca, to “Kaaba”; Although I saw God in all of those places, that life experience didn’t return. I was complaining God “If you wanted to regain that, why did you let me to experience that life. Now I know that there is a completely different life that is the real life and my life is not that one. Why did you inform me about that?”

Finally I resulted that “God wanted to show you the real life, the heaven. But, you should reach to it by your efforts. You should continue and do not give up trying. You should try to improve yourself, your thoughts, your morality, your humanity.”

When new serious questions occur for me, I become happy. It’s kind of pressure on me, but I consider them as steps which I should pass maybe one day I evolve so that I reach the life God showed me.

Again, I’m in one of those revolutions and I should ask God to help me. I should fix my relationship with God.

The birth of the weblog

It’s a while that I’ve left my Persian weblog. The reason is obvious. I was not free to write my ideas. In my last post, I wrote a sentence about the martyrdom of two young guys by Iran government and my friends in Iran just sent a message to me “You are going to come back to Iran, you should be careful.” I can not be that much conservative. Each person has some capacity.

The domain of my weblog was “blogfa”. The manager of “blogfa” is a person in Iran who easily blocks your weblog because of not satisfying governors’ rules. “wordpress” and “blogger” are filtered in Iran, and with “blogfa” you are exposed to lose all of your document all at once. Unlike “blogger” and “wordpress”, “blogfa” does not have any option for moving to another domain. Some people advised some ways, but I didn’t succeed. Finally I decided to put that away, and start my new weblog. My ideas have been changed a lot during these years and maybe it’s better to start in a new place for this different person.

It’s about 6 months that I’ve come to Netherlands for research and this is a good opportunity to compel myself to practice my English. In addition, in order to grow my ideas I think that I should be able to communicate with people from all over the world. The name of my weblog is “The garden of the heart”, the  English meaning of the previous one "Baghcheye del".