After
months thinking about my life and my goal in life, finally I could convince
myself to take my phd degree. Actually I found a place for it in my life plan. After
seeing those treatments and immoralities from my supervisor and some other
professors, I asked myself “Do I really want to take my degree in this
university? Where am I going? Do I want to work in such a dirty environment?”
It
was not just that. I saw my best friends changed. I was changing, too. I was
passing the way the others had passed. I could recognize ugly behaviors in my
friends’. I could see some ugly thoughts in my heart. It was shocking. I didn’t
want a success in my job with any price. I had to fight with myself. It took a
while to create another atmosphere around myself with new people and see
beauties of the life again.
I learned
a lot during this time. Yesterday while looking to the flowers, suddenly I felt
that feeling of loving the life and appreciation for being alive, for a few
seconds. I hadn’t experienced that for 9 months. I found that I’m on the true
path.
I
don’t think about their behavior and what they told me anymore. Thinking about
those small creatures makes my thought small.
